I just pynch a tree in the face
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
