Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
