dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
