it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You are the jesus of drinking
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sext me about skeletons
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
