I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't turn off my feet"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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