You made me cry and you don't even care
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
