if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
