I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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