Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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