i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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