Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
