I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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