Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want her autograph on my taint
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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