Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
