Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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