What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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