Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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