I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I faked an abortion last night.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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