is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
