So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
