sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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