Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
