She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
