Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
