I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
