He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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