can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
