i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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