He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
