Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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