Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
