Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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