Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
