Soap is not a condiment
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My vagina just recognized that song.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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