I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
