Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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