Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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