either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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