this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
