apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i believe in u and ur pee
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
