So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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