He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
