Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am available for nakedness
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
