I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
