Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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