I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
