Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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