Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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