Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my being single is dangerous.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
