I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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